How to blend in with Ukrainians

Most of the time, people are able to tell if you're a tourist or an expat in Ukraine. But there are some ways to blend in. 

1. First of all: Do. Not. Smile. If you’re walking down the street, or if you’re sitting in a café, or if you’re riding metro train… Ukrainians are known not to smile in public places. Especially if they’re alone. There is a saying in Ukrainian: “The smart one is crying, the dumb one is laughing”. So, if you want to blend with the crowd, just put on your angry face and walk down the street looking as if you’re burdened with all of the world’s problems. That will do.

2. Do not engage in a conversation on the street. In big cities, people start conversations on the street only in two cases: either asking for directions or wanting to scam you/preach some religion. If you need to ask for directions, it’s fine, people will sincerely try to help, even if they do not speak English. But any other conversation is taken with great suspicion.

3. If you chose to drive, just forget all the rules. Lanes are nonexistent, as well as traffic lights. Treat speed limits as a suggestion. Give pedestrians an angry honk if they cross the road too slowly. In other words, have fun!

4. Get used to the greeting culture. If a man enters the group of men and women, he will shake hands with all the guys in the room, and nod to girls (or kiss them on the cheek). Women do not shake hands, typically they kiss on the cheek. You might find it sexist, but that’s how it goes.

5. Follow the dress code. For men: clean-cut haircuts. Wear dark clothes and a leather jacket. Never wear shorts. Look either as a pimp or wear a tracksuit.

6. For women: treat the street like a catwalk, both in dress and an attitude. Look your best every day, wear eyeliner and tight clothes. Get on your angry face, look straight through the people and walk really fast on your heels (or expensive sneakers!). Hair dye is preferred – blonde, bright red or raven black.

7. The last but not the least, the ultimate blending in tip: wear something patriotic. A tiny Ukrainian flag ribbon, a T-shirt with Ukrainian trident, anything with blue and yellow colours. You’ll be instantly recognised as an inside man (or woman).